tear · of · shadow

time has passed since my last entry ...but frankly i havent had the chance or time to post. After a harsh break up , the lost of my dad, the abandonment of my family it took a while to get back up. I got too stressed out but i had to hold out until things were cleared and settled wich they are. Now im off work to take care of myself since i dont have a choice. I have my fathers house which i will be selling and moving out of this city once and for all. I was offered an oppertunity to live the simple yet good life....something i never thought i would say but hey lol....so thats the plan and it will be good and plentyfull heck ill be around one of the best friends i've ever known....so goodbye ottawa its been....dissapointing

its been a while since i last posted an actual entry in this thing but events unfolded where life took me in an entirely new direction. Frankly and honestly i dont recall writing anything for that matter ie. short stories and poetry or what ever you want to call it. But the past year or more has been.....a trip. An emotional ride that has taken me to hell and back. My father.....i do miss him...among other things. Through out this period of time i've understood the ugly nature of the human monkey. People no matter how they are...friendly, cheerful, evil, bitter, good ect. In the end they will attempt to take advantage of you in your most of dire of situations...weather they want something or just want self gratification and pride. It amounts to the same thing failure on they're part and disappointment and anger on yours. But the light does shine ..as meek as it might be. the appreciation of life and understanding of humanity as a whole and as individuals surfaces greatly. With this you learn to deal with the reality of it all...the reality that....as simply put ...people suck. Not bitter just shaking my head.

The past few days I have been very tired. I guess the passed events have taken a huge toll on me and my whole. ( and thank god I have a beard to catch things cause I would of spilled coffee on this white shirt of mine ) I’ve drank at least half a pot and still not even a jittery hand. I think all the stress of the past is slowly washing away and having kept myself up for years, rigid and alert has used up a lot of energy. Maybe once this passes I’ll be able to sleep soundly and get an actual restful sleep. Its come don to taking a nap after work for about 2 hours and then going to bed rather early after that because I am still tired. Yet I still wake feeling like I never slept. But the ever present yet small smile on my face, which is something I’ve never seen on me before or I just forgot that I did once, gives me a positive outlook on things. Even tho my little world is not what it used to be anymore. I don’t even know what it is now, its like starting anew.


I am at work at the moment and once I am done I will slowly make my way home and crash as soon as I enter my room. Sleep some more. I’ve been working for 10 days straight and who knows how much more I’m gonna work ..it looks like 12 . Fun times..oh well